I have always been great at taking risks and manifesting, jumping and then picking up whatever pieces needed to be picked up along the way. I have always done things in this fast manner. Maybe it has something to do with with the fact that I have all the mutable signs of the zodiac in my chart, with not a lot of earth to go along with it. The joke between a friend of mine is that I have five heads and a horses arse. Meaning that I have a Sagittarius sun, a Pisces moon and a Gemini rising. No wonder I have always found it hard to sit still and ground myself!
Waiting for things is not how I usually like to go about my life, I have always pushed and chased and been the one to manifest and create, sometimes manifesting without fully understanding the outcome I might be headed for. It also makes it a little harder when I often get a clear vision from spirit. In my past, I would push towards these visions not realising that they were there to teach me trust and patience. It was due to my lack of self-worth that I would push instead of allowing things to unfold in divine timing.
It was not until I was faced with some serious heartbreak this year that I was able to see this part of myself. I needed to have things shattered so that I could learn how to put all those pieces back together in a new way. I learnt that it was time to be still, it was time to go in, to look at all the forgotten and neglected parts of myself and in those parts and in the stillness I found the gold.
Throughout the process of creating my new life and finding my way through the unknown I have always had this little voice, it would keep saying to me TRUST, over and over again. Even when I had no idea how things would fall into place. This little voice came from my heart, it was teaching me to wait, be still, to be patient, to heal myself.
I still have the push inside me and I think that it is also a necessary part of who I am. After all, I am a woman and women are here as the life givers and sometimes we don’t have a choice but to push, like when it’s time for that baby to come out you have no choice in the matter, you have to push! I feel the role of the feminine is like that in many other aspects of life, she can see when it’s time for things to be birthed or brought to the surface. This is her role, what she is divinely designed to do on this planet and to often this is lost or forgotten in a society that is controlled by the patriarchy and likes things to come in neat little polite packages.
So what I have learnt about the magical little word trust, is my greatest gift so far, I have learnt to trust in life and myself, I have come to the understanding that I have a balance that allows me to go with the flow in any given moment, some moments are for the slow - patience, healing, growth and taking time to find direction and a path of clarity. Other moments are for fire, rebirth and a good hard push, maybe accompanied by the primal sounds of a wild woman who knows who she is and has the power, softness and self-love to create the change that is required.